Publications by

Andrew Seubert and Barbara Hale-Seubert

This page features information on the books authored by Andrew and Barbara.

"The Courage to Feel"

by Andrew Seubert

A practical guide to the power and freedom of emotional honesty, delivers a pragmatic, creative and inspiring four-step path to emotional mastery and freedom that explores the hidden wealth of guidance and wisdom available through our emotions. Each chapter includes anecdotes, applications and exercises to anchor the teachings. The charming allegory of Simon the Turtle, who must leave his shell to follow his heart, is woven throughout the book. The Courage to Feel, based on the author's 30 years' experience, launches the reader on a journey that leads to personal freedom, happier marriages, improved work relationships, and deeper spirituality.

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"How Simon Left His Shell: The courage to feel for young people"

by Andrew Seubert

This book is the sequel to The Courage to Feel, which is intended for younger reader 10 years and older, particularly teenagers. It is a fable accompanied by a user's guide for parents, teachers and therapists to support emotional education for our young ones.

Read the book Introduction

Graphics from Andrew's Book... How Simon Left His Shell.

Original concept for illustrations and original illustrations by Marc Rubin. Rendering of illustrations (based on the original concept) by Caitlin Turner.

Each artist has signed their respective works.

Graphics and Covers...


 

The Courage to Feel - A Practical Guide to the Power and Freedom of Emotional Honesty

by Andrew Seubert

"Emotions are complex things: they can make life hell or make it sweet. So, here's a question: Do you have emotions or do emotions have you? Andrew Seubert's The Courage to Feel can help you to have emotions and make your life rich and workable. It's short, easy to understand and very powerful."
- Bill O'Hanlon, author of Change 101

TABLE OF CONTENTS"…the book is a "tour de force." I don't know of anything in the literature that is such a comprehensive and clear guide to an understanding of the central role of emotions and ‘the courage to feel’ in living a healthy, ‘whole-some’, and sacred life, enabling one to experience "the rapture of being alive." Congratulations! You have done many a great service."
- Clifford Smith, Ph.D.

Part I - Why Bother

Introduction
Chapter 1 - We Have Feelings, Because...?
Chapter 2 - What They Are and How They Work

Part II - The Four Steps to Emotional Honesty

Introduction
Chapter 3 - Step One: Awareness of Feeling
Chapter 4 - Step Two: Being with the Feeling
Chapter 5 - Step Three: Reading the Message of the Feeling
Chapter 6 - Step Four: Deciding to Act, Express or Not

Part III - Refining Emotional Honesty

Chapter - 7 Avoiding, Burying and Other Survival Strategies
Chapter 8 - Layering
Chapter 9 - Riding the Waves, Surviving the Desert
Chapter 10 - Empty Bowl, Full Bowl
Chapter 11 - What Color is Your Lens?

Part IV - Living the Life of Emotional Honesty

Chapter 12 - The A.R.T. of Emotional Honesty
Chapter 13 - I Like Who I Am With You: Feelings in Relationships
Chapter 14 - Sweet Sorrow: the Pain of  Touch
Chapter 15 - Emotions at Work: Repeating Family Patterns on the Job
Chapter 16 - Guilt, Shame, Pride and Self-Esteem
Chapter 17 - Emotional Navigation Through Change and Addiction
Chapter 18 - Born to Want: Empowerment and Emotional Honesty
Chapter 19 - The Making of an Enemy: Emotions and Global Peace
Chapter 20 - Sentinels: a Fantasy of Transgenerational Release
Chapter 21 - Spiritual Bypass: Emotional Honesty and Spiritual Authenticity
Chapter 22 - Conclusion: Simon says

How Simon left his Shell: The courage to feel for young people.

by Andrew Seubert

A Word at the Start…

In 2008, I published The Courage to Feel: A practical guide to the power and freedom of emotional honesty. I have come to learn that it has helped a great many people. It has even changed lives. I also realized that The Courage to Feel didn’t speak to the younger people, particularly teenagers, who came into my office.

Youth is a tumultuous time of life, and it is made more so when the adults that surround them don’t model emotional competency. Without mature emotional models, young people are left abandoned with their anger, their confusion, and their fears as they enter the journey of self-discovery. This realization planted the seeds that eventually gave birth to –

How Simon Left His Shell: The courage to feel for young people.

In my first book, the chapters are interspersed with a fable about a turtle named Simon.. I used the fable in order to make the teaching in The Courage to Feel more vivid and interesting. (Self-help books, I must admit, can be boring beyond belief).

The fable turned about Simon’s desire—and journey of self-discovery--to free the artist within him by leaving his shell. His hope was that then he could be free to paint scenes of his home in a southern marsh. Still, I felt that I was not reaching young people as directly as I wanted.

Consequently, I have expanded Simon’s story to How Simon Left His Shell and added a “User’s Guide for Parents, Teachers and Therapists.” This experiential and interactive guide, with its questions and practice scenarios, uses the fable to teach young people to value and listen to their emotional guidance system and how to be emotionally competent in stormy times.

It is my hope that emotional competence and courage will prepare these future adults as they journey through relationships, marriages and families of their own into a world thirsty for healing waters that spring from the opened heart.

Andrew Seubert - 2014


 

"Riptide: Struggling with and resurfacing from a daughter's eating"

By Barbara Hale-Seubert

This book tells one mother's story of seeming helplessness and desperation, but it's also a story of hope, fierce love, and survival. It will offer a lifeline to other parents who have dealt with obsessive behavior in a child, and who may be dealing with the grief and guilt of losing their child to his or her demons.

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Visit this link to read the review on Barbara's book Kirkus Review

Click the Play symbol to listen to the Out-of-Bounds radio Interview here...


 

RIPTIDE: Struggling With and Resurfacing From a Daughter’s Eating Disorder

By Barbara Hale-Seubert

“Barbara Hale-Seubert’s raw honesty opens the door for others to walk through. She gives us a space to feel–free of judgment–and a place to honour our pain. In doing so she gives us hope. By sharing her and Erin’s journey, she joins us in ours.”

–Mary Ellen Clausen, Executive Director, Ophelia’s Place

Parents of children with eating disorders are often plagued with guilt, self-doubt, and intense shame. Barbara Hale-Seubert felt all of those things during the decade in which her eldest daughter, Erin, struggled with anorexia and bulimia. However, Barbara’s personal suffering was especially intense due to her profession: as a committed psychotherapist, she felt especially helpless and selfconscious about her inability to save Erin from the physical and mental ravages caused by her condition.

Eating disorders are rampant in North America, with emaciated stars on the covers of tabloids and the modeling industry being challenged about unhealthy, unrealistic images of what is desirable. In the face of these ubiquitous images, obesity is at an all-time high among children and teens, driving more and younger children to “experiment” with anorectic and bulimic behaviors. That means more parents and caregivers need to understand how to cope with and help these children, but also how to take care of themselves.

In RIPTIDE, Barbara Hale-Seubert reveals her personal struggle with knowing where to draw the line between what was her responsibility to her adult daughter, and what was Erin’s responsibility to herself, and to the rest of her family. When Erin finally succumbed to her condition when she passed away at the age of 23 in 2000, it was after a decade of her family dealing with her in-and-outpatient treatments, episodes of petty theft, suicide attempts, and often 12 times daily binge and purge cycles.

Barbara Hale-Seubert wrote this heart-wrenching and revealing account of her painful experience with Erin to offer hope, inspiration, and practical guidance for families dealing with eating disorders, as well as to help the professionals who deal with these families gain a better understanding what it feels like to be in their shoes.

RIPTIDE offers other parents of children who suffer from any mental illness or addiction the redemptive solace that comes with knowing that they aren’t alone in their struggles.

Barbara Hale-Seubert is a licensed social worker in both New York and Pennsylvania. She has had extensive training in working with couples and enjoys co-therapy and presenting workshops and retreats with Andrew to enhance and heal relationships and provide information and support to stepfamilies. She also has training in Existential-Gestalt psychotherapy and EMDR...

Listen to the Out of Bounds Interview with Host Trish Pearlman, recorded 7/12/13


Barbara wrote many stories from interviews and shared times with other parents. follow this link - Not Alone - to some of the stories that didn't go into the book, but may be helpful to you today.
Below are some of the photos from Barbara's book. Erin as she was growing up and some of her lovely artwork. Enjoy.
 
 

Reviews taken from AMAZON for - Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder

5.0 out of 5 stars A BEACON, June 22, 2014
By Karen Robertson - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Kindle Edition)

A loving legacy. Not just to her daughter, but to all mothers. I highly recommend this book to mothers of daughters faced with any kind of mental illness or addiction. Barbara provides as much as you can handle of the raw pain. As the mother of a daughter with the dual challenges of bulimia and substance abuse, reading this book was both terrifying and comforting. It was like having a sherpa with me on the dark side of the mountain telling me she knows how hard the journey is, but that I can really make it to the bright side. Sometimes, it's easy to forget.


5.0 out of 5 stars Heartbreaking, honest, compassionate, September 26, 2013
By Bonnie - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

Barbara Hale-Seubert should be applauded for her courageous and well written account of the nightmare she lived through while witnessing her daughter suffer from an eating disorder. The book is frightfully sad to readers who have never dealt with this disease, but at the same time surprisingly hopeful and inspirational to all parents dealing with psychological problems of their children. The grief you feel for this compassionate, understanding, and determined mother strengthens the reader's ability to understand that a parent can not solve all of their children's problems nor should they feel guilty for being unable to do so.
This book is invaluable for anyone who has a loved one suffering from this demon as well as for the parents and friends of children struggling with mental illness.


5.0 out of 5 stars A daughter's tragedy told compassionately from a mother' heart, August 27, 2013
By Mary S Eaton - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Kindle Edition)

This book is so insightful yet well written with love and compassion at it's base. It screams honesty. I cannot imagine the pain or love it took to write such a book. It concentrates on her daughter and her love in a way that gives the reader a huge amount to chew on. Even if you do not have a daughter with an eating disorder the book still speaks to the troubles many of us have relating to the daughter we have lost.


5.0 out of 5 stars Definitely a riptide of emotions for the reader of this book. For every parent who has felt the helplessness of losing a child., November 5, 2013
By Jane C. Sidwell - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

This author has given a great gift of self, heart-rending experience, and hope to all who have faced the loss of a child. More specifically, Barbara shares facing this loss with the knowledge of her own inability to change the outcome, along with the ever-present possibility of losing herself along with her child, Barbara shares from her diaries, her experience as a skillful therapist, and her love for Erin, even as her daughter challenged every aspect of Barbara's ability to love and "stay the course," with her daughter. The pain is raw and packs a big "punch" for the reader. Yet, in the end, Barbara builds understanding for this struggle with Erin's eating disorder and, as reader, I found joy in Barbara's own resurfacing from such a devastating loss.


5.0 out of 5 stars Acceptance, July 2, 2013
By Jess - See all my reviews
This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

When I first picked up Riptide at the book store I was unsure how I would feel about reading this memoir. This is because I placed my own anxieties and confusion about my mother onto Barbara, expecting to feel the same resentment and anger. However, after reading it not once but twice I was stunned at how real and compassionate the book was. It brought me into a world that I could not understand myself since I too suffer from an eating disorder. Upon finishing the book, I gained a new perspective at how hard and painful it is to watch someone you cherish starve, steal and lie. Many of the books on the shelves today are written about a persons own struggles with their mental illness but rarely do we see how it affects the family around them first hand. Barbara is able to account for the heartache and turmoil that a mother feels when watching their first born child struggle to stay alive for over ten years. This memoir had such a strong impact on myself, that I had to meet the woman who wrote it. When I finally gained the courage to track down Barbara, it was the best thing I could have ever done. She welcomed me with open arms and we discussed the impact an eating disorder can have on our loved ones. I was able to gain an even greater insight into how much she loved her daughter. No one could have saved Erin but herself and having a mother accept that knowledge is the hardest thing to do. I hope I can one day be a mother just like her. A mother who has an infinite amount of love for all of her children, is able to recognize and allow herself to feel her own emotions and be able to accept what she cannot control.


5.0 out of 5 stars good book, July 1, 2013
By Vanya (LYNCHBURG, VA, US) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

This book would be great for families that have loss someone due to an eating disorder or for those looking for someone to relate to.


5.0 out of 5 stars Unflinching and Courageous, June 4, 2012
By Anthropologist on Mars - See all my reviews
This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

Barbara Hale Seubert's memoir of her daughter's slow, horrible death from an eating disorder is unflinchingly honest. Writing this book must have been a bare-knuckled act of courage. It takes some courage just to read it. Seubert neither blames her daughter nor herself for the spiraling crisis that threatens to overwhelm her family. The book is unusual because Seubert does not hide behind the myth of the Great Mother, who through the force of love and will can save her daughter. She can not embody that myth, and by stating that plainly, she seeks to give her readers permission to accept their own humanity. Neither is her daughter the Great Victim. Her daughter is depicted with agency and power, but not in the end, the ability to conquer her disease. It is the stripping away of these myths that is so frightening for the reader. Seubert refuses to sugar coat the situation. She lets no one off the hook for their own responsibility in the tragedy that befell her family, yet she is compassionate about the humanity of everyone involved. In the end, despite Erin's tragic death, Riptide is an uplifting book. Seubert and her family survive - they even thrive. She is able to be a whole person with a loving marriage, and to be loving parent to her remaining children. The maelstrom of Erin's disease does not destroy Seubert's family. She points the way towards true forgiveness and healing, not by platitudes and magical thinking, but by the hard work of the heart.


5.0 out of 5 stars Brave book, November 10, 2011
By E. G. Horovitz "Dr. H" (Pittsford, NY USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

This page-turning book is a frank yet brutally honest view of eating disorders. To be able to articulate the pain of both parental and filial struggles that comes with this heinous disease is a rare gift. Barbara Hale-Seubert confronts this emotional roller coaster and offers a realistic account of this heartbreaking journey. The story is raw, honest, and compassionately written. Brava for opening your painful world to others, allowing them to bask in the grace of your story and know that they are not the only ones.


5.0 out of 5 stars Honest, October 21, 2011
By Sandra - See all my reviews
This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

I so appreciate Barbara Hale Seubert's honesty in disclosing her angst in raising a daughter with an eating disorder. The author is unafraid to relate her own shortcomings and exhaustion while trying desperately to be a good mother. She does not attempt to make herself look good while floundering for solutions. I wonder how I would have done in same situation. Riptide helps me understand the complexity of eating disorders and its impact on family members.


5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, August 10, 2011
By Mollly - See all my reviews
This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)

Barbara Hale Seubert has written an extremely helpful book for anyone who is living with someone with an eating disorder. In a brutally honest personal account, she reveals her own struggles with guilt, frustration, and despair and how she learned to cope. I highly recommend this book.


5.0 out of 5 stars A must read, August 9, 2011
By Martha R. Boland "MartiB" (Elmira, 2011 NY, USA) - See all my reviews

Verified Purchase(What's this?) This review is from: Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder (Paperback)              Any mother who has teenagers (or above) it is a must read. The author's courageous delivery of the struggle to remain a caring mother, a developing psychotherapist, and travel with her daughter the devastating effects of the daughter's eating disorder. I identified with most of the author's thoughts, feelings, anxieties etc. as she was raising her children - even though I didn't have a child with a serious illness. It was a relief to find I wasn't the only mother who doubted herself, felt guilts for perceived failings, and desperately looking for help for her daughter. Again, a courageous story.